Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
