OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
