i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
and she was petting her beer can
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
