I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize