Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
