i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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