I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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