allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Randomize
