I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
