We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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