When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Randomize