just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
