i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
