fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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