Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
