You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize