don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
