I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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