Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
