Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
