i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
