just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
