Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
