I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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