So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize