(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You have to summon your inner elephant
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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