Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
