I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
