the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
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