my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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