I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
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