This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
