all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
