theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize