We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
