i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
