im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
