I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My bed smells like the plague
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize