My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
