Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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