Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
