Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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