I just saw a hot homeless man
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
