Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
