So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
