I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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