If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
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