you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
