Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
