have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
