there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Randomize