yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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