I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I will pee on everything he values.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
