Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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