I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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