I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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