I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize