He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
