im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
