took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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