"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I lost the right to judge tonight
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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