Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
