You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
