"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
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