do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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