I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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