There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
