wat bout pragnant strippers??
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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