Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
