Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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