Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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