Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
