this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Randomize
