There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
