im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
