We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
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