My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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