So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
